Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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