he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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