OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
