So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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