Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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