then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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