I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
