absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize