Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
