Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
