I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
