they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
