I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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