Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
