My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
