Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
