Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
