I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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