ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
