They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
