the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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