if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she told me i tasted like america
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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