I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
