11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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