Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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