Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
