You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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