I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
