I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
