R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
