So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
