i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
