you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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