my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
