Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
