I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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