On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
