I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
