shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
