I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
