If that was your dad, he is hot
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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