When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
