but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize