I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
