you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
