if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Randomize
