Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
