I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
