what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
