I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
