i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize