we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
