theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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