why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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