Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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