I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
