Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
