meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
