never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
