you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can I color on your dick again?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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