how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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