Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
