I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
