He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
