she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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