The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
