wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
