did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
