I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can I color on your dick again?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
