I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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