does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize