im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
birth control should be required to get into college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
