after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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